my life in words

welcome to a darkness

turn on a candle and dont be afraid from the shadows. We are also crows surviving in the winter time.


I crossed my steps
across the wet roads
under a cloudy sky
full of hopes

I crossed my fingers
to bewitch you
the untouchable singer
but the spell fell to the toes

I dance in pain
on the dance floor
with the audience flame
boiling my blood

And on that bar I waited
I waited so long
and the time was maintained
into a drink drop

Unbelievable it was
a randomly hug
went as a blast
although didn’t put me in your map.

I returned my steps
back through the roads
no black cats
for this witchcraft
only the roars
to see you back


Thanks to

@sun4finger @damonjoe @seokwon1106 @drok.q  #DrugRestaurant

Look back only to push you ahead

When I turn my sight back
I haven’t forgotten
all the monsters, dragons and snakes
around me
They didn’t leave either
I saw the light in the darkness
I walk through the darkness
May I am still in the darkness?
Positive thoughts help me to reach strength
and a sparking light grows
I believe in smiles
I believe in hugs
I believe in love

When I turn my sight back
is only to see what I have been through
and to push myself ahead in the uncertainly
fearless, trusting, strong

May the monsters miss me
May the dragons fly around me
May the snakes bite me

In the darkness I can see better the light
with darkness the light has sense
now, I look ahead
I don’t pray
I don’t cry

Step by step
dancing to the full moon
and smiling to the sun
and standing up

I want to run

Sometimes, just sometimes
I want to run
I think where I should go
or when I should start going
or what I should carry with me


Sometimes, just sometimes
I joke with myself, that Everest seems a safe place
if the sea level rises
or a safe place for being hidden of all human kind
although, I will die ’cause I don’t have the physical quality to survive in there


Sometimes, just sometimes
I think that we should put all the presidents around the planet in a big spacecraft and send them to the new planet that has been found, before they destroy what we have left.
I think we should put each president in a boxing ring to fight against another to resolve problems, at least they will be fit
I think we should teach the army to think by themselves, ’cause not war can happen if the army and each soldier don’t follow the orders… they should defend human rights, they should be human first…


So, sometimes, just sometimes
I want to run
and hide


Who is guilty; the one telling you to throw the stone or the one throwing the stone?

Sometimes, just sometimes
I don’t want to listen, I don’t want to see, I don’t want to believe
and I don’t understand anything


We call ourselves humans and animals are more civilized that we are…


So, sometimes, just sometimes
I want to run
even knowing that I can run few meters only
I want to scream
even knowing that screaming doesn’t help, because anyone listen to those that have loosed their temper


So, I create this uthopy of world
fit presidents fighting against themselves
each person thinking by themselves
no soldier behaving as robot
and each human in this planet settle a new thought that: “I am human first” “You are human first” “He is human first…So, no different will arise and many issues will be resolved with this thought.


And if my uthopy is not working, tell me yours.


I really don’t want to run
I really don’t want to hide

it ne oicav le anell

In these empty hands
I try to draw butterflies
asking guides for those leaving this world
strength for those suffering
lighting for those lost
positive thinking for those who fell
patience for those who are holding up others

In these empty hands
I put my smile
and closing my eyes feels my heart
flowing between reality and fantasy
grateful for the wings and the madness
waiting to the moisture will dry
observing from far
the globe murmuring

In these empty hands
the water is bright
the sun coming through the window is magic
the mind in the chaos is a challenge
my butterflies will be dragons
the worms will fly
the ink will be blood
and with a verse will start a song

In these empty hands
I need your hands
also empty
to feel our energy
’cause when you stay still
you move
’cause when you less posses
you have
’cause when you are in yourself
you are love


The Unknown Warriors

The battle wasn’t worth to win.
The battle was to stand up
and show your own skills.
The sword will cut more weeds than heads.
It was not made for kill,
only for survive.

The silent of the mountain
that its surrender in front of  us,
claiming with its shadow
when hiding the sun.

The battle wasn’t worth to be stronger,
to put your feet over the enemies heads.
The battle was a test of respect,
a discussion of different point of views,
an honorable way that who was more skilled
will take the honor and respect from others.
The battle wasn’t about hates.
It was to save the weakest people from injustice.

Those unknown warriors
that disappeared in silent through the mountain shadow,
with them the honor and respect,
with them the skills.

The sword became guns in a kid’s hands.

The warriors in puppets control from some desk.
The target the weakest people.
The objective is hate,
standing up over other’s heads…

“Civilization” became a game’s name?

If we lost the understanding of ourselves,
the connection with all around us,
then our time will end before it was planned.

the new way of human interaction?

“How difficult to build a friendship through internet!
How difficult to trust all what you can see!
How difficult to hold a dream!
How difficult to find a master! or be your own master!

The waves of technology
help us to discover other cultures, other hearts…
but it can’t break the distance

So, even if you are not who said
even if you don’t understand
even if you don’t read.
I only have my words to give,
and doing this, I am happy.
Because I believe that everything is possible,
even to cross the distance through the computer window
and hug you”.

_Msblackrose A.G


nothing and all

What did I get
in this process of change?
peace in a heart belonging to darkness
but shines out

What did I learn
in this process of inside looking for?
a goal
the beats of hope
opening my eyes every morning
and be full of gratefulness, alive

What did I find
as result of this process of transformation?
a lot
the understanding that this process will never stop
there is not an end
it is a road to walk, fall, and stand up again
after all, it is to look out from the mirror
and discover yourself

Pahuus (the evil)

Letting go the days. Over a week now, from the last performance in the theater play where I tried to give all and jump every obstacle.

Waiting that the sadness for it to end, would fade away between the hours and the seconds…

Even in this time, my body has been permitted to be ill.

During 18 performances in front of the audience, many of the actors compromised with this project, we had the obligation to disguise any symptom of flu.

Here, is when one can be witness that miracles exists.  And one can fight for healing oneself, knowing that if you fall, every one will fall with you.


Still in my mind the great honour I felt, that I still feel today,  for being selected to be part of this project. 

Still in my mind the feeling of being adopted and welcome with love by every one that in one way or another has taken part of this adventure.  Of this unbelievable journey that has teached me to be strong and never throw the towel. Don’t give up! 

That has teached me to forget  my weaknesses and pains. It has exposed me, face to face with the human negativity and has teached me to transform my thoughts and turn to the positive side. It has given me a family to play, train, rehearse, act, celebrate and rest with.


I didn’t have idea when I went chosen that this play will have choreographies and will require physically. With my back like pieces of a puzzle, I put in my mind that miracles exists, if you believe and visualize them. I didn’t want to think “I can not”, but the opposite “I can”, “I go to get it”.  And I did. 

I resisted. I resisted all; the training, the rehearsals and the performances. And I felt the sweat as never before, covering my body.  I kept many hassles and pains in secret. 

The synchronization with the actors, all of them GREAT.  And the bliss that is received from the audience when you can feel how the theater play let them without words, with open mouth, hypnotized and they love it. 

I don’t know when I will go to other adventure. In this kind of projects there isn’t a compensation, although one always win, with the passion, and how it wraps you, teach you, inspires you, gives you, forgives you, hugs you… to belong to something so pure and magic.  Is worth it! 

Now my body fights to get rest, as a rebel. But I’m so grateful for this body and its flaws! That has permitted me to start and enjoy this journey. That surprises me, always, when I least expect it.

I’m eternally grateful to the director of this play, for having selected me and given my first opportunity. Regardless of my status of being foreigner or my accent when speaking Finnish. I’m very grateful to the whole team, from the actors to the technique, costume, makeup and decoration groups, etc. They have supported me and I have felt even they had more confidence in me than myself. 

I have recorded in my memory the eyes of each one of them and their glances.
And I hope that, although “Pahuus” (the evil) ends its cycle, our cycle will take us to other journeys and adventures, where we continue sharing and being part of each one of us.

I can write an ocean of words but any of them will be able to describe with precision about the six months in this play, which has impregnated my skin, has stunned my mind, has raised questions, has cried and laughed. It has taught me to be in the moment, with no rush to jump into the next moment. It has been a tool in the pursuit of my dreams, the search for self and its desires.  And they are all of which I’m honored to share the stage with, proud and grateful for ever:

Sini K., Nadja U., Matti V., Suvi P., Antti S., Eve M., Allu K., Maria P., Emmi H., Minea L., Maija S., Veera A., Karolina V., Vilja L., Helkka E., Antti K., Satu H., Minella S., Karoliina H., Otso L., Paula I., Janni M.  

They form the luggage, a rainbow of indescribable emotions. They will always remain in my memory and in my life, because this luggage stays inside and goes with yourself at each step.

Thank you all for being as you are!
Keep the way you are, forever.
And as I said, the trip is definitely not over, just changed and transformed. And every cycle is a transition, that brings us to the next.

The theater play #Pahuus (the evil) based on the novel by Jan Guillou. Represented in the theater  #Turunylioppilasteatteri and directed by #Veera Alaverronen, it ended on 10/30/2015.

The play has tought us many things. I remember the quote of M. Gandhi: “Be the change that you want to see in the world”.

©Msblackrose A.G

deluded by love

There is many ways of love. The “love”  I talk here is between two persons as strong storm connecting them and attracting them and pushing them into a swirl story without any sense of how it can end…
Everyone wants to feel loved
but the love when we have it, hurts.
Often it is not respectful and forgets easily the flame
keeping it alive.
Every one of us wants to feel the flame
deeply in our hearts,
lifting up our feet from the ground,
letting see the magic through our eyes
but the love when we have it, turns everything up side down.
Often frustrates us, and incites us easily with its tongue
keeping us deluded…
But in spite of it, everyone dreams to have a piece of love,
a short story of this, a fairytale.
Without counting the tears, or how many tries has failed.
Often many stayed afraid of trying again.
’cause hurts, twists your heart and your life.
and still every one of us, dream with a piece of love.
A  passion that blinds you.

The freedom to love someone
without posses one to another,
and knowing when to let go
’cause we can love without posses, may  be the way…

But still we wait something strong enough to put everything up side down,
turn our eyes into tears
kiss us at sunset
whispering and thinking our names
hitting our hearts
and keeping us deluded from reality
is melting us in a hug
and we keep dreaming with a “forever” and tomorrows…
…because when this happens we feel to be more alive than never before
deluded by ourselves

Walk with your demons

Keep for you
your demons.
Don’t throw in my path
the blood that your tongue spits.
If you want me
smile and throw petals of roses to my feet.

Keep for you
your sorrow.
Don’t throw more pain into your wounds.
If you want him
just be and talk about purposes.


Walk with your demons
but don’t introduce them.


Keep them at home
always that is possible.
Keep them in the dark room
only for those moments that you miss them.
Keep their words
forgotten in the thorns of your skin.
And with the last tear
cures your wounds.


If you want light
don’t throw yourself to the darkness.
but if you are in dark
appreciate the light around.


Walk with your demons
and don’t be afraid,
because they’re your strength.


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Life, love, and heartbreak.

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